The best you can hope for in a relationship is to find someone whose flaws are the sort you don’t mind. It is futile to look for someone who has no flaws, or someone who is capable of significant change that sort of person exists only in our imaginations.
Love someone when they’re insufferable, when they hate their job and hate their friends and seem to hate everything in their life except for you. You might lose respect for them, you might look at them as if they’re weak and can’t stand on their own two feet, but I want you to try to push those thoughts out of your brain because the fact is that this happens. People get stuck in their life and they look around and only see one thing that makes sense to them. It doesn’t make them weak or co-dependent, it just makes them human. Don’t fault them for things that are largely out of their control, don’t have your attraction hinge on how great their life seems to be going. Choose to love them.
It can be very difficult to have one’s own space. But unless you have your own space, you will never become acquainted with your own being. You will never come to know who you are. Always engaged, always occupied in a thousand and one things in relationships, in worldly affairs, annxieties, plans, future, past, one continuously lives on the surface.
When you are alone you can start settling, sinking inward. Because you are not occupied, you will not feel the way you have always been feeling. It will be different, that difference also feels strange. And certainly one misses one’s lovers, one’s friends, but this is not going to be forever. It is just small discipline.
And if you love yourself deeply and go down into yourself, you will be ready to love others even more deeply, because one who does not know oneself cannot love very deeply. If you live on the surface, your relationships cannot have depth. It is your relationship after all. If you have depth, then your relationship will have depth.